The day after the Oscars marks Josh’s favorite time of the Hollywood calendar; it marks the day furthest from the next time he’ll have to sit in front of a television watching famous people celebrate each other’s fame for over three hours. Sadly (for him), the rest of the Screeners feel at least a little differently about the whole ordeal. As creators of a podcast that purported to be about all media and slowly collapsed into the black hole of Hollywood, they feel duty-bound to discuss their reactions to the show, its host, and its big winners. Josh will live.
“Which Action Movies Should We Plagiarize?” “...All of Them.”
There are certain vital moments in all our lives, events that we come to recognize as turning points, decisions that shape our future. The Screeners experienced such a moment 6 months ago when they invited Daniel into the sacred circle of co-hosts. They did it because they knew he loved movies, but they could never have predicted just how many movies he would love.
You see, a scant 2 months before Daniel’s debut on the Screeners, a run-of-the-mill disaster movie debuted in theaters to...something less than you might call “critical acclaim”. The movie was, of course, San Andreas, and it immediately stole Daniel’s heart. He shrewdly hid this from the rest of the Screeners during the rigorous interview process, and it slid under the radar for awhile, but one day he could contain his enthusiasm no longer.
The hosts’ fate was sealed. Daniel was the only Screener who’d bothered to see San Andreas, and that included Chad, who’s been known to watch movies that aren’t even made in this country. At some point, the rest of them were going to have to sit through this thing just to teach Daniel a lesson (since masochism is the path to true enlightenment and all).
And what better time to engage in self-torture than the week after the Oscars? The sense of having squandered time that can never be reclaimed is familiar; despair for the world we’re leaving our children holds sway. So who cares that the movie’s 8 months old? Without further ado, we present to you our full review of San Andreas, starring Dwayne Johnson as a tall man with large muscles and Paul Giamatti as an actor who lost a bet and had to accept the next script that came his way no matter what it was.
Oh, Right—And This Happened
With all of the intellectually draining parts of the episode behind them, the Screeners decide to round out the show by returning to Flickchart to work on their list of all-time favorites. As any longtime listener of the show knows, this is a hopeless Sisyphean task, yet they persist. Join them in their suffering.
OK, that’s enough torture for one day. Join the Screeners next time, when they’ll be watching 10 Cloverfield Lane, which at least Josh is destined to love. And, as always, feel free—encouraged, even—to add your two cents on Facebook. See you next time!