Just kidding; the Academy Awards are a yearly institution, and they’re surely the deciding factor in certain films getting greenlit or not, so they’re at least worth a Screeners episode. Just don’t tell Chris that Mission Impossible probably won’t win best picture.

Have any predictions/rants of your own for this year’s awards lineup? Let us know on Facebook!

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

Special Guest: Tyler Howat.

All The Money In The World has been a subject of controversy and anticipation. Only a few short weeks ago, Christoper Plummer replaced Kevin Spacey after his career imploded. Was that the right move? Did the movie come together in such a short time? Daniel and Tyler made sure to weigh in.

Alexander Payne is the authority on films about white men going through a midlife crisis, and Downsizing sits squarely in his wheelhouse. Matt Damon shrinks himself down to outrun his problems. Is tiny Damon better than regular-size Damon? We’re not so sure.

We’ll have plenty more reviews coming your way in the days to come, so keep an eye out for those soon!

Special Guest: Tyler Howat.

But wait; there’s more! The Screeners Podcast has been around for about 4 years now with only one major change, so we thought it was about time for another. No, we’re not reverting the first one by firing Daniel (yet...you’re on thin ice, though; stop seeing so many more movies than everyone else). This announcement’s a bit more on the positive side, at least for the sci-fi fans in the crowd. OK; we’ve said enough—you’ll have to listen to find out more.

When you’ve done that, be sure to head over to Facebook to tell us what you think—and what great shows and movies we missed during our free-for-all earlier; we know there’s plenty out there. See you next time!

¹ Yes, Josh, we know you think we’ve been in a lull since at least February.

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

Special Guest: Tyler Howat.

Stephen King is said to have praised the director after seeing the final cut of the film, but will that be enough for true fans like Chad and Melody? Also, what does Josh think about all this—didn’t he do some background research for the episode?

OK, so maybe the Screeners didn’t completely clear their schedules. They might just need a palate cleanser after that main event, and their Flickchart list has been sitting neglected, like a puppy they’ve forgotten to feed and walk for...a few months. Wasn’t the top movie on that list The Mighty Ducks or something? Let’s fix that.

And that’s plenty for one episode. Everyone take a deep breath, then head over to Facebook to keep arguing.

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

First up, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. Daniel’s already had some fairly...blunt things to say about this one on Facebook, but that won’t stop Luc Besson from writing as many of them as he can. Can another Screener’s enthusiasm salvage the film’s chances in the court of public opinion?

Raise your hand if you expected Cold War-era spy movies to feel timely again. You neither, huh? Well, joke’s on us. Atomic Blonde has all sorts of things that just don’t seem like they belong in the modern world—from unstable geopolitical superpowers, to collusion with Russia, to Charlize Theron talking about how great Mad Max: Fury Road was. Chris and Melody can’t help but love this one, right?

Since the Screeners’ heads are already in a (sort-of) bygone era, this episode’s Top 3 topic is 80’s-themed action movies. Or is it “action movies from the 80’s”? Guess it doesn’t matter; Chris will probably find a way to pick Final Destination or something.

And, of course, Josh had so little to say about all of this that he didn’t even show up for this episode. We’ll hand-deliver any hate mail you want to send him.

Chad and Daniel will review A Ghost Story in another of their famous bonus episodes soon. After that, join us for a review of The Dark Tower, in which we might find out how Josh feels about all that reading he did at the beginning of the year to satisfy Chad and Melody.

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

And once they’re done talking about Marvel, DC, and Netflix (because let’s face it; that’s all we’re getting out of Comic-Con), this episode’s main event is a double header of two very different movies: Dunkirk and The Big Sick. Maybe one day we’ll get a romantic comedy set during wartime, but until then we’ll have to settle for episodes like this where Chris “didn’t get to see” one of the movies, and Josh “didn’t get to see” the other. We’re sure it has nothing to do with each movie’s explosion-to-dialogue ratio.

In the next episode, we’ll be moving on from World War II to the Cold War with a review of Atomic Blonde, but until then we’ll be hanging out on Facebook, so come say hi.

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

Consider yourself a fan? Show us some love with an iTunes review!

After that, it’s time to join your regularly scheduled main event. It’s been 6 years since the first Planet of the Apes movie, but...wait; what? You say it’s been almost 50 years since the first one? This is another one of those Spider-Man nightmare franchises that’s impossible to track, isn’t it?

OK, so this is the third movie in the most recent series, which Tim Burton had nothing to do with. Josh should be happy to hear this, since he thought the 2001 Planet of the Apes was the source material here. That was his excuse for not seeing War, but it turns out he doesn’t even have that. Oh well; we hear the movie’s good, despite Josh’s unwarranted revulsion.

Our top 3 for this episode comes to us from Chad, who thought it’d be great to talk about escape scenes. Josh, not having seen the main event, had no idea why this topic made sense for this episode, but he showed up regardless to subvert the spirit of the segment in any way he can.

That’s all for now, but the next episode should be a fun one—it’s Dunkirk and The Big Sick. See you then!

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts | Stitcher
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

Consider yourself a fan? Show us some love with an iTunes review!

First up is Spider-Man: Homecoming. Not only is it a movie with a colon in the title (more on that later in the episode); it’s the sixth Spidey movie in a franchise that might qualify as the most internally confused in the entire Marvel Cluster of Upchuck (that’s what MCU stands for, right?). Four out of five Screeners agree, though: It could have been worse.

Superhero hijinks are followed by...an action musical? A hyperrealist crime comedy? We’re not entirely sure what to call Baby Driver, but it definitely, um, exists. Join the Screeners for a rare spoiler-less recap of the latest brainchild of the director who brought us Shaun of the Dead and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

Finally, we promised you a Top 3, and a Top 3 you shall get. Some would call this an “epic installment” of the standard Screeners segment; some might call it an “unmitigated disaster”—either way, all five hosts have prepared a list of the worst and weirdest movie titles they can think of (subject to some arbitrary criteria, of course). What’s better than personal vendetta in list form? Personal vendetta in list form plus audience participation, of course! Chad just doesn’t know how to have fun anymore; that’s the real problem here.

OK, party over. Next up is War for the Planet of the Apes, though, so don’t miss that!

Subscribe: iTunes | Google Play | Pocket Casts
Web: Home | Download
Social: Facebook | Twitter

Consider yourself a fan? Show us some love with an iTunes review!

Where were we? Oh yeah; Chad and Daniel paid money to see Transformers 5, and they’re here to talk about it. Then they’re going to do a top 3 about Michael Bay’s career...although, given the subject matter, “top” might be a little generous. How about “least likely to give you an eye rolling-induced headache”?

Oh, and while they’re talking Pixar, they decided they’d take the opportunity to mix up the standard Top 3 list a bit and go over their Top 3 and Bottom 3 Pixar movies. We can’t wait to hear who liked Toy Story 4 more...what’s that? There’s still only 3 of those? We give up.

If you didn’t gather this from the first sentence, Tom Cruise is in this one, in case that makes it in some way more appealing for you.

It doesn’t do that for Josh, so he didn’t bother going to the theater, but the other Screeners totally did. They were so excited that they just had to do a bonus episode about it—and while they’re talking about mummies, they figured they’d also throw in a Top 3 about monster-themed media. Again, Josh isn’t here for this episode, but he told us that if he were, he’d take a page out of Chris’s playbook and insist his number 1 pick is Count Chocula.

For the sake of Patty Jenkins’ directorial career, we hope not.

After that main event, what other Top 3 could there be? It had to be (strong/fierce/unstoppable/amazing) female characters. Some of our listeners got in on this one too, so check out the everyone’s picks and let us know on Facebook who you think should really be hosting the show.

See you next time, when the Screeners (or at least a few of them) will be talking about Tom Cruise and an ancient curse—and no; we’re not talking about the painting of himself he has locked in his attic...nevermind; it’s The Mummy. They’ll be reviewing The Mummy.

Or, most of the Screeners couldn’t watch. Chad and Daniel, however, take some kind of sadistic pleasure in Depp’s downward spiral, and they went to the theater to watch, well, dead men tell some tales. Was this installment any better than the previous four? The 8-ball we get most of our life advice from says “doubtful”, but maybe Daniel’s indefatigable optimism will save us all.

Chad promised everyone this was a good idea, so we’re doing it, but what would really make it fun is if you headed over to our Facebook page, contributed your own picks, and made fun of Josh’s. That’s entertaining for everyone.

See you next time, when the Screeners will be back to movie reviews as normal, this time of the Alien sequel and the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. So many original ideas, we can hardly stand it.

Everyone's wagers, for the record

Because once they're on the Internet, no one can ever change them.

Chad

1. Despicable Me 3
2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
3. Spider-Man: Homecoming
4. Wonder Woman
5. Transformers: The Last Knight
6. War for the Planet of the Apes
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
8. Cars 3
9. The Mummy
10. Dunkirk

Dark Horses:

• Alien: Covenant
• Baywatch
• Rough Night

Chris

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
2. Despicable Me 3
3. Spider-Man: Homecoming
4. Transformers: The Last Knight
5. Wonder Woman
6. Cars 3
7. War for the Planet of the Apes
8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
9. The Mummy
10. Dunkirk

Dark Horses:

• Valerian
• Baywatch
• Alien: Covenant

Melody

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
2. Despicable Me 3
3. Wonder Woman
4. Spider-Man: Homecoming
5. War for the Planet of the Apes
6. Transformers: The Last Knight
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
8. The Mummy
9. Cars 3
10. Alien: Covenant

Dark Horses:

• Dunkirk
• Rough Night
• Baywatch

Josh

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
2. Cars 3
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
4. Despicable Me 3
5. Spider-Man: Homecoming
6. Wonder Woman
7. Alien: Covenant
8. Dunkirk
9. The Mummy
10. The Dark Tower

Dark Horses:

• Baby Driver
• Baywatch
• Transformers: The Last Knight

Daniel

1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
2. Despicable Me 3
3. Spider-Man: Homecoming
4. Wonder Woman
5. Cars 3
6. Transformers: The Last Knight
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
8. War For the Planet of the Apes
9. Dunkirk
10. Baywatch

Dark Horses:

• Alien: Covenant
• The Mummy
• Rough Night

Oh well; at least there’s a new Star Wars teaser. They’ll have to talk about that at least a little, right? Wrong. Sorry; there’s nobody here but muscle cars and their muscles.

First up, the guys (no Melody this episode, sadly) decided they had to talk about Power Rangers. Why did they decide this? No one’s really sure. Only half of them were even the right age to watch the original series, but somehow three of them made it to the theater for the movie, which has to just be a craven grasp at 90’s nostalgia, right? Right?

OK, enough robot dinosaurs until the next Transformers movie (please let it be Dinobots...please). Next on the list is one of Netflix’s new Sundance acquisitions, The Discovery. This is one of those we-can’t-really-summarize-anything kind of movies except to say that it’s a metaphysical romantic drama. Vague enough? We thought so.

Just in case we haven’t lost you yet, there’s still a main event! Scarlett Johansson was apparently tired of not shooting things, so she signed up to be Major in the live-action Ghost in the Shell reboot. That may or may not have been a good idea, judging from the Google results for the phrase “Ghost in the Shell whitewash”. Anyway, all four hosts saw this one, so they should be able to come up with something other than casting to talk about.

But wait; there’s more! Chris thought it would be fun for everyone to pretend to be time-travelers just back from having seen all this summer’s upcoming blockbusters. Despite the fact that this would require travel through more than mere time for someone like, say, Josh, everyone played along. Behold our foreknowledge of our own opinions! These reviews couldn’t possibly become self-fulfilling prophecies, could they?

Finally. So very many movies. That last segment alone was about 10 episodes worth of main events. What’s up next is anyone’s guess, but until then, we’ll see you on Facebook.