Frankly, we’re worried about Johnny Depp. We’re afraid he might a gambling problem, or he’s made some terrible investments...or maybe he’s financing third-world revolutions on the down-low. There has to be some terrible reason that he’s in a fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. This is Nicolas Cage’s career all over again, and we just can’t watch.
Or, most of the Screeners couldn’t watch. Chad and Daniel, however, take some kind of sadistic pleasure in Depp’s downward spiral, and they went to the theater to watch, well, dead men tell some tales. Was this installment any better than the previous four? The 8-ball we get most of our life advice from says “doubtful”, but maybe Daniel’s indefatigable optimism will save us all.